so okay

The funeral home thing was pretty rough. They had the viewings Thursday and Friday afternoons and evenings. The service was last night. I tried to be the okay one. You know, sitting there with Shawn and his parents. I mean, I've only been a part of the family for four years. I should be their rock. So I sat there thinking about my tongue stud and wow I should have really changed it for this whole thing because it has devil horns and says "devil woman". That somehow didn't seem appropriate. I thought to myself, I should be sitting with Renee so I can take her baby if she starts fussing so Renee doesn't have to get up and leave. I thought about everything except for what the priest dude was talking about. Quite frankly, when I did listen to him I almost wanted to roll my eyes. Not because... well, I don't know why. "The Lord felt Rickey had completed what he was put here to do..." yadda yadda yadda. ugh. Whatever dude. Then he started talking about Rickey's (I spelled his name wrong in the other post. Forgot the 'e') daughters. That was it, man. His youngest daughter is twelve. When she saw me Thursday night, I reached out to hug her and she just put her head on my chest. It broke my heart. His oldest daughter lives in Texas. Her husband is in the military. He is going back to Iraq in three weeks. I so much want for her to stay here while he's over there. *sigh* So, when he started talking about his daughters, I couldn't take it. I stopped being the rock. And I started to think, I only got to know him for four years. I didn't get to know him well or long enough. Funny how the mind does shit like that to you.

And FTR, when I did hold Renee's baby, it felt really really good. So my mind played some tricks with that too. Sorry, Glowie, unless you win the lottery, no bebbies for you.