Another taste. Another flavor.
For now, I bring you the most rock starrest fuck you speech ever on this show. Delivered with the class that only he can bring.
Dave: "Ryan the Dark Horse Star. wow dude. Ryan. Dude, I've become a fan over the past couple a weeks. I'm really sorry to see you go, dude. I think you're a great, a great great talent and you are definitely the most evolved contestant we've ever had on this show. By far."
Ryan: "Thanks for that."
Dave: "Watching you grow from week to week, trying new things out, taking chances week after week after week, dude, I know you're gonna do great, man. I have all the faith in the world in you."
Ryan: "Thanks for your support. Especially." *pointing to Dave*
Dave: "You got it, buddy. Any parting words for Supernova?"
Ryan: "Surely. You know, uhhh, hmmm... with me as your singer, I feel like you could have made 20 years of great music. So I'm sorry for that. But I respect, you know, your decision. Good luck. And I'm going to return to being a solo artist and I'll see you on the record charts cause that's where I'm gonna be hanging out."
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Saturday, August 19, 2006
so okay
The funeral home thing was pretty rough. They had the viewings Thursday and Friday afternoons and evenings. The service was last night. I tried to be the okay one. You know, sitting there with Shawn and his parents. I mean, I've only been a part of the family for four years. I should be their rock. So I sat there thinking about my tongue stud and wow I should have really changed it for this whole thing because it has devil horns and says "devil woman". That somehow didn't seem appropriate. I thought to myself, I should be sitting with Renee so I can take her baby if she starts fussing so Renee doesn't have to get up and leave. I thought about everything except for what the priest dude was talking about. Quite frankly, when I did listen to him I almost wanted to roll my eyes. Not because... well, I don't know why. "The Lord felt Rickey had completed what he was put here to do..." yadda yadda yadda. ugh. Whatever dude. Then he started talking about Rickey's (I spelled his name wrong in the other post. Forgot the 'e') daughters. That was it, man. His youngest daughter is twelve. When she saw me Thursday night, I reached out to hug her and she just put her head on my chest. It broke my heart. His oldest daughter lives in Texas. Her husband is in the military. He is going back to Iraq in three weeks. I so much want for her to stay here while he's over there. *sigh* So, when he started talking about his daughters, I couldn't take it. I stopped being the rock. And I started to think, I only got to know him for four years. I didn't get to know him well or long enough. Funny how the mind does shit like that to you.
And FTR, when I did hold Renee's baby, it felt really really good. So my mind played some tricks with that too. Sorry, Glowie, unless you win the lottery, no bebbies for you.
And FTR, when I did hold Renee's baby, it felt really really good. So my mind played some tricks with that too. Sorry, Glowie, unless you win the lottery, no bebbies for you.
Monday, August 14, 2006
And so it goes
Shawn called me this morning and said, "I have bad news." I said, "What?" in an irritated and put out voice because that's the only news we seem to get lately. "Ricky's dead," he says.
Let me give you the rundown because this may be hard to follow.
Shawn's cousin, Robyn, is who we bought the house off of. Her husband, John, is who Shawn works for. Robyn's brother, Ricky, also works (worked *sigh*) for John. Robyn and Ricky's mother's name is Dotti (Shawn's favorite Aunt). Shawn and Robyn's cousin, Renee just had a baby. Her boyfriend, Randy, also worked for John. He recently quit. So Shawn's friend, Mike, was recently hired. John was on vacation Tuesday thru Monday (today). Shawn was running his route. Ricky took over Randy's job as the floater. When the guy's have a week off (each guy gets every sixth week off) Ricky runs their route (minus John because some of the people on John's route dislike (disliked) Ricky). So last week and today, he was running Shawn's route so Shawn could run John's. Well. They were at the warehouse today loading up the trucks. Everybody kept saying, "Where's Ricky?" So they called him. No answer. Mike says, "well his house is kind of near my route. I'll run over to see if he slept in." Mike goes to Ricky's house and finds him dead. :(
Now Robyn, Dotti, Robyn's kids (who worship Uncle Ricky) and Ricky's daughter, Kelly went to New Jersey this weekend to visit Cindy, Robyn and Ricky's sister. They were on their way home today and Dotti's sister (Shawn's aunt), Mare called to tell them the news.
"They" (whoever they is) said Ricky wasn't dead for more than 5 hours. We all figure he was getting ready for work, which would have made it more like 3 hours.
Ricky was somewhere in his mid 40s. Divorced. Partial custody of his daughter. Lived alone. And Ricky was one of my very most favoritests of Shawn's cousins. He was very cool to talk to at the family functions that tend to get loud with people talking over each other (in their shrill head-splitting, ear-bleeding voices). Ricky and I would go outside, smoke and hang out. I am going to miss him.
I am so terrible with words so I don't know what to say to Shawn when I get home.
Let me give you the rundown because this may be hard to follow.
Shawn's cousin, Robyn, is who we bought the house off of. Her husband, John, is who Shawn works for. Robyn's brother, Ricky, also works (worked *sigh*) for John. Robyn and Ricky's mother's name is Dotti (Shawn's favorite Aunt). Shawn and Robyn's cousin, Renee just had a baby. Her boyfriend, Randy, also worked for John. He recently quit. So Shawn's friend, Mike, was recently hired. John was on vacation Tuesday thru Monday (today). Shawn was running his route. Ricky took over Randy's job as the floater. When the guy's have a week off (each guy gets every sixth week off) Ricky runs their route (minus John because some of the people on John's route dislike (disliked) Ricky). So last week and today, he was running Shawn's route so Shawn could run John's. Well. They were at the warehouse today loading up the trucks. Everybody kept saying, "Where's Ricky?" So they called him. No answer. Mike says, "well his house is kind of near my route. I'll run over to see if he slept in." Mike goes to Ricky's house and finds him dead. :(
Now Robyn, Dotti, Robyn's kids (who worship Uncle Ricky) and Ricky's daughter, Kelly went to New Jersey this weekend to visit Cindy, Robyn and Ricky's sister. They were on their way home today and Dotti's sister (Shawn's aunt), Mare called to tell them the news.
"They" (whoever they is) said Ricky wasn't dead for more than 5 hours. We all figure he was getting ready for work, which would have made it more like 3 hours.
Ricky was somewhere in his mid 40s. Divorced. Partial custody of his daughter. Lived alone. And Ricky was one of my very most favoritests of Shawn's cousins. He was very cool to talk to at the family functions that tend to get loud with people talking over each other (in their shrill head-splitting, ear-bleeding voices). Ricky and I would go outside, smoke and hang out. I am going to miss him.
I am so terrible with words so I don't know what to say to Shawn when I get home.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Forgive me, Lukas, for I have sinned
I have been really digging Ryan's "Songs From The Eye Of An Elephant". Like, ummm, really digging it. "Back of Your Car" has a line that goes, "In a minute we'll be gone. So we might as well just fuck." And "Dance With You" says ... oy... "my lips, my face, my dick are so sore" *clears throat* It's really too much for me. I couldn't resist the Ryan assist. Let's just say my Mr. Pink has a new name now.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
A few things
that nobody cares about...
Nobody talks to me....
eh. This is my blog though, right?
First, the personal:
I don't know why I do things that I know I will regret doing. I just do. That's just me. I just am. Addiction - The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something. I do things. I say things. I know that saying and doing things will pose a problem eventually or immediately. I do them anyway. I do them and I say them because it comes to me. It's not something I think about. It just is. He just is. I saw him today. I watched him today. He watched me today. He was there today. He is back again. I hate him. I hate him because he is in my veins. He is in my veins and I can't get him out. I can't get him out of my head. I can't get him out of my heart. I can't get him out of my head and my heart because he is in my veins. He is in my veins because he is in my head and my heart. How does that work? How do I drain him? How much detox do I need?
Second, the not really personal:
Lukas is doing "Creep" this week. "Creep" is one of my all time favorite songs. We heard him sing "runs" and "I don't belong here". That's all we heard. That's all we heard and I am leaping and jumping from my seat because he is going to kill it. KILL it. (mms://a72.v87252.c8725.g.vc.akamaistream.net/7/72/8725/v0001/
msnent.download.akamai.com/8725/DBA90618/published/Video/Projects/High/
rs_206a_act_3_080606.wmv - open WMP, go to file, open URL, paste this URL {take out hard returns} in. {or, of course, you can go to www.rockstar.msn.com and play it from there - msn is unfriendly to me at times, so...} It's a four parter. where it says "act_3_" change the 3 to 1, 2, 3, or 4. The end of act 3 shows how brilliant Baby's voice is.) The songwriting was very telling (act 2 is what I'm talking about here). Who is his competition? Dilana? umm. no. Ryan? Yes. Evil Evil Evil Mark Burnett. Yes, I know. But what Jason said. He said Dilana's lyrics were "cornball" ("Dilana's lyric was rather cornball" - Jason Newsted. Also note that Tommy said he couldn't remember them. "Which is not a good thing."). Lukas described the song as "dirty and sexy like myself". *giggle* mmmm. *composes self* Tommy said "Lukas killed it. He really really killed it." "He really gets it. He's got such a sense of what it is we're trying to do musically." We got a taste of what Dilana, Storm, Jill, Lukas, Toby, and Ryan did with the song. I would like to hear what Magni, Patrice, Josh and (oy...especially) Zayra did with it. But Lukas gets IT. He has IT. He is IT. Whether he wins. Or not (*scoff*). Whether he wins or not, he has IT and I love IT. I will follow him. Addiction - The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something. I WILL follow him for the rest of his career. I just hope that career lasts as long as I need it to. And that's really unfair. It's unfair to him and it's unfair to me. Especially to me. I remember (believe me, I remember) talking about Marty and how amazing Marty is. For the record, I have not bought Marty's (Lovehammers) album yet. I will buy whatever Lukas sells me. Financial nightmare or not.
Third, more impersonal (sort of):
Ryan's CD is amazing. A-MA-ZING. Piano + Ryan = Genius. This guy gives me chills, dude. I don't have it in front of me at the moment. The inside cover, has something Ryan wrote. It is so honest and so pure. If you don't "get" Lukas, you have to "get" Ryan. If Lukas has competition, Ryan is it. "He has a voice that cuts through the music very well. I would like to hear him on a couple different tracks from Supernova so I can really guage where he's at. He could add a lot to us." - Jason Newsted. I can't even describe what it does to me emotionally. My "dark horse" has switched rather dramatically. I've liked this guy from the beginning (shortly before the beginning). But wow. wow. hold on, I have to go get the case out of my car... okay. I don't want to quote the whole thing, because that's probably not cool. "I believe elephants are all knowing. I believe their eyes are the witnesses of the world. These are The Songs From The Eyes Of An Elephant". If you have ten dollars...even if you don't...this will be one of the best things you ever could spend it on. If you appreciate music. If you appreciate musicians.
I almost don't want to hit "Publish Post". I'm very fucked up right now. And I'm very drunk on top of that. But I'm going to do it. I can always edit it in the morning.
Now? I'm going to read the spoilers and see how much Baby killed it today. "But I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here..." *crosses fingers and hopes for encore*
"Hope is all we have." Everybody says that to me these days. meh.
"Disease is a harsh harsh word." - Lukas Rossi to Toby Rand
Nobody talks to me....
eh. This is my blog though, right?
First, the personal:
I don't know why I do things that I know I will regret doing. I just do. That's just me. I just am. Addiction - The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something. I do things. I say things. I know that saying and doing things will pose a problem eventually or immediately. I do them anyway. I do them and I say them because it comes to me. It's not something I think about. It just is. He just is. I saw him today. I watched him today. He watched me today. He was there today. He is back again. I hate him. I hate him because he is in my veins. He is in my veins and I can't get him out. I can't get him out of my head. I can't get him out of my heart. I can't get him out of my head and my heart because he is in my veins. He is in my veins because he is in my head and my heart. How does that work? How do I drain him? How much detox do I need?
Second, the not really personal:
Lukas is doing "Creep" this week. "Creep" is one of my all time favorite songs. We heard him sing "runs" and "I don't belong here". That's all we heard. That's all we heard and I am leaping and jumping from my seat because he is going to kill it. KILL it. (mms://a72.v87252.c8725.g.vc.akamaistream.net/7/72/8725/v0001/
msnent.download.akamai.com/8725/DBA90618/published/Video/Projects/High/
rs_206a_act_3_080606.wmv - open WMP, go to file, open URL, paste this URL {take out hard returns} in. {or, of course, you can go to www.rockstar.msn.com and play it from there - msn is unfriendly to me at times, so...} It's a four parter. where it says "act_3_" change the 3 to 1, 2, 3, or 4. The end of act 3 shows how brilliant Baby's voice is.) The songwriting was very telling (act 2 is what I'm talking about here). Who is his competition? Dilana? umm. no. Ryan? Yes. Evil Evil Evil Mark Burnett. Yes, I know. But what Jason said. He said Dilana's lyrics were "cornball" ("Dilana's lyric was rather cornball" - Jason Newsted. Also note that Tommy said he couldn't remember them. "Which is not a good thing."). Lukas described the song as "dirty and sexy like myself". *giggle* mmmm. *composes self* Tommy said "Lukas killed it. He really really killed it." "He really gets it. He's got such a sense of what it is we're trying to do musically." We got a taste of what Dilana, Storm, Jill, Lukas, Toby, and Ryan did with the song. I would like to hear what Magni, Patrice, Josh and (oy...especially) Zayra did with it. But Lukas gets IT. He has IT. He is IT. Whether he wins. Or not (*scoff*). Whether he wins or not, he has IT and I love IT. I will follow him. Addiction - The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something. I WILL follow him for the rest of his career. I just hope that career lasts as long as I need it to. And that's really unfair. It's unfair to him and it's unfair to me. Especially to me. I remember (believe me, I remember) talking about Marty and how amazing Marty is. For the record, I have not bought Marty's (Lovehammers) album yet. I will buy whatever Lukas sells me. Financial nightmare or not.
Third, more impersonal (sort of):
Ryan's CD is amazing. A-MA-ZING. Piano + Ryan = Genius. This guy gives me chills, dude. I don't have it in front of me at the moment. The inside cover, has something Ryan wrote. It is so honest and so pure. If you don't "get" Lukas, you have to "get" Ryan. If Lukas has competition, Ryan is it. "He has a voice that cuts through the music very well. I would like to hear him on a couple different tracks from Supernova so I can really guage where he's at. He could add a lot to us." - Jason Newsted. I can't even describe what it does to me emotionally. My "dark horse" has switched rather dramatically. I've liked this guy from the beginning (shortly before the beginning). But wow. wow. hold on, I have to go get the case out of my car... okay. I don't want to quote the whole thing, because that's probably not cool. "I believe elephants are all knowing. I believe their eyes are the witnesses of the world. These are The Songs From The Eyes Of An Elephant". If you have ten dollars...even if you don't...this will be one of the best things you ever could spend it on. If you appreciate music. If you appreciate musicians.
I almost don't want to hit "Publish Post". I'm very fucked up right now. And I'm very drunk on top of that. But I'm going to do it. I can always edit it in the morning.
Now? I'm going to read the spoilers and see how much Baby killed it today. "But I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here..." *crosses fingers and hopes for encore*
"Hope is all we have." Everybody says that to me these days. meh.
"Disease is a harsh harsh word." - Lukas Rossi to Toby Rand
Thursday, August 03, 2006
I say 'fuck' a lot
What curse word do you use the most?
Fuck
Do you own an I Pod?
no
What time is your alarm clock set for?
6:21
What color is your room?
Bedroom? Red
Flip flops or sneakers?
flip flops when it's real hot unless I have to walk around at a county fair and stand on fences
Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
take the picture
What was the last movie you watched?
ummm… Eight Below
Do any of your friends have children?
Yes
Morning bird or night owl?
Night owl.
Do you ever take medication to help you sleep better?
no. No way. Bad things.
What CD is currently in your CD player?
Lukas w/ Rise Electric and Lukas w/ Cleavage
and a CD I made from weeks 1 - 4 of Rock Star
aside from Howard Stern, it's all I've listened to for five weeks
What kind of milk do you drink?
1% sometimes 2%
Who was the last person to call you on the phone?
my dad
Are you nosey?
sometimes
Are you shy around the opposite sex?
no
Do you own any band tshirts?
oh yeah. Tons.
What is your favorite salad dressing?
balsamic vinaigrette
Do you cry a lot?
Yes.
Who was the last person to text you a message?
my coworker/friend
Desk top or lap top?
laptop
Do you have any tattoos or unique peircings?
yes
Would you ever date someone with tattoos?
I prefer them.
Is sex before marriage wrong?
I hope not.
When was the last time you slept on the floor?
I'm not sure... oh wait. LOL. My bachelorette party.
How old will you be at your next birthday?
34
Do you like cottage cheese?
yes
What will be your next big purchase?
*shudder* I have no idea
Last wicked fun thing you did?
This past weekend was wicked fun.
There was the Bucky thing
Meeting the meeeeeeeeeeeeeemos
PNH show that was totally worth my sore feet and standing in the disgusting heat and humidity
Fuck
Do you own an I Pod?
no
What time is your alarm clock set for?
6:21
What color is your room?
Bedroom? Red
Flip flops or sneakers?
flip flops when it's real hot unless I have to walk around at a county fair and stand on fences
Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
take the picture
What was the last movie you watched?
ummm… Eight Below
Do any of your friends have children?
Yes
Morning bird or night owl?
Night owl.
Do you ever take medication to help you sleep better?
no. No way. Bad things.
What CD is currently in your CD player?
Lukas w/ Rise Electric and Lukas w/ Cleavage
and a CD I made from weeks 1 - 4 of Rock Star
aside from Howard Stern, it's all I've listened to for five weeks
What kind of milk do you drink?
1% sometimes 2%
Who was the last person to call you on the phone?
my dad
Are you nosey?
sometimes
Are you shy around the opposite sex?
no
Do you own any band tshirts?
oh yeah. Tons.
What is your favorite salad dressing?
balsamic vinaigrette
Do you cry a lot?
Yes.
Who was the last person to text you a message?
my coworker/friend
Desk top or lap top?
laptop
Do you have any tattoos or unique peircings?
yes
Would you ever date someone with tattoos?
I prefer them.
Is sex before marriage wrong?
I hope not.
When was the last time you slept on the floor?
I'm not sure... oh wait. LOL. My bachelorette party.
How old will you be at your next birthday?
34
Do you like cottage cheese?
yes
What will be your next big purchase?
*shudder* I have no idea
Last wicked fun thing you did?
This past weekend was wicked fun.
There was the Bucky thing
Meeting the meeeeeeeeeeeeeemos
PNH show that was totally worth my sore feet and standing in the disgusting heat and humidity
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