The beauty in ugliness

I was outside and it was quiet so I started thinking... unwillingly. That mind-racing all over the place thing that I'm so good at. I was realizing that I would rather stand there alone and watch the birds eat their seed, looking up at me every so often, than stand there having a conversation with somebody. I was thinking about some of the really ugly things that people say and do for what seems to be absolutely no reason. I can't find any reason to be mean to people. It's just not what I'm about. That got me to wondering what I am about. So why don't I like to surround myself with people? Why can I sit in a field and cry about butterflies? Why can I sit on my porch, watching my dogs and feel warmth in the bitter cold? Why does the sound of my husband snoring calm me and help me fall asleep? Why am I not one of those people that will say hurtful or petty things to people I have no reason to like? You know, since I'm not really a people person. I mean, just because you don't have anything for somebody doesn't mean you have to have anything against them. That whole dizzying thought process reminded me of something that I wrote not so long ago about... well it was about a lot of things. The last part was about a bad movie I watched. I guess it wasn't really about the movie but the thought process stemmed from there.
"I felt like I could relate to him. That got me to thinking how different people can view things so differently. That somebody could visualize such beauty in music while somebody else can just hear music. That somebody (like me) could bawl for days over something that they see as beautiful while somebody else just thinks it looks nice. ... Maybe beauty hurts me too much. Maybe that's what my problem is."

I used to wait for the next ugly thing because something ugly always comes. Sometimes, it can be where you least expect it. I was afraid that if I changed that, rearranged that, I would lose my appreciation for the beautiful things. I was afraid that the beautiful things wouldn't make me ache anymore. It sounds weird but that kind of aching is so powerful and awakening. It is good to feel that strongly about something... well, good. Now? when there's ugliness I just wait for the beauty. The beauty always comes. The beauty can be where you least expect it too.

I love my husband

I just went outside for my "lunch" to feed the birds and smoke a (two) cigarettes. I was walking out the door and saw this guy that looked like my beloved. It was. He was waiting for me outside (thank God I wasn't in a meeting or anything today) because he wasn't sure if he could find my office. Sitting there beside him was a stuffed gorilla in a pink tutu (she will be the girlfriend of the gorilla in boxers he got me two years ago), a dozen roses, a chocolate rose, chocolate espresso beans and a beautiful card. Our friend works at the hospital across the street so her husband came down with mine to track her down while my DH was here being awesome. I can't wait to hear how surprised she was. Best!husbands!ever!

Somebody asked him if he was taking me to lunch. He said he wasn't but he would make me dinner. They don't have to know he does that just about every night. :)

Happy Valentine's Day to you all.

breathe... just breathe

yay!

So we walked into Shawn's parents' house last night. I was wearing my Giants hoodie and Whitney looked over at me and said, "oh God." She was wearing a Tom Brady jersey. heh. So she taunted me and laughed at me until about the end of the first quarter. Shawn's brother kept saying how the Patriots were going to break out and start scoring. I asked Shawn if he had ever watched the Giants play this season. Doesn't he know that this game is all about the Giants defence. Awesome awesome.



Well. I guess the game was all about the Giants secondary and this catch:





So Plaxico predicted a 23-17 victory. Tom Brady laughed at him. Scoffing that Plaxico would think that they, the all mighty Patriots, would only score 17 points. I guess maybe he hasn't been paying enough attention to the Giants defense either.







I cried and whimpered when the Steelers let Plaxico Burress go. That season they went on to win the Super Bowl... without my favorite wide receiver. I've been following the Giants since then. I watch whatever games they televise in Pittsburgh. I keep up with scoring and injuries. I've grown attached to Eli in the process. I am just so happy that my Plax got his Super Bowl ring. So so happy.



Shawn's brother said, "Whitney will be bummed out. She wanted to wear her jersey to school tomorrow." She went home during the third quarter. I said, "She can still wear it. I'll make her a sticker that says 'loser' to cover up Brady's name." I'm kidding... sort of. I'm not an anti-Patriots person. I'm just a pro-Giants person and I'm very pro-Plaxico.

ugh

What is wrong with him?



*shakes head*

I still believe, Jared. You make it really tough but I still believe.